icky.

I feel...icky. As juvenile the word is it expresses how I feel to a T.

I have this feeling of stagnation. Of average, of moving at such a terribly slow speed it kills me. There was a short story I read quite a while ago, I wish I could remember the title... Anyways, it has nothing to do with how I feel really except for in this story the people had blocks or restraints on them, for example if a woman was beautiful she had a mask on, if a man was exceptionally strong he would have restraints on him, so no one would be more special than others or overpower the government who was making them this way.

The reason for me mentioning this story is because lately I feel as if I'm being restrained. Not by anyone but myself. I know what I want and I trust God and know He has what's best for me but I just can't seem to get there without setting things up for myself to fall into. I know better and I'm not one to say, "I'm afraid of failing so I'm not gonna try" or blame the mediocre state of how I'm living to things outside of my control. I strongly believe life is what you make it. So what is my deal?

I think Paul says it best

Romans 7:15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

I know this attitude will pass, and I know what steps I need to take, and I thank God for the goals and plans He is setting in front of me.

I really want a good day or two by myself to stop and think. Refocus, gain some perspective, and really think about how I can get my stuff together so I can do what I was called to: be a good friend, a good daughter, girlfriend, student and to help OTHERS. I want to create, I want to express, I want to give.

That's Rrrrrrrrrright

Asking myself what I'm striving for daily: spiritually, relationally, scholastically, physically. Time to set some short and long term GOALS.

holla.

Back from Outer Space

The second week of school is halfway over. This is my 9th day back from Chile and I have the weirdest sensation of- thank God I'm home I was gone forever and also- did I even leave?

I love being home and love being with my family :) I got to see Brent this weekend and it was amazing! Hillsong was GREAT! I love to worship! I love being surrounded by people who love God and want the same things I do=to know Him more!

I miss Chile so much. Pichilemu was like a bubble. I'm hoping that all of my friends there are doing amazing but I can't really talk to them because of the internet there. I LOVE my classes this semester! My last semester ever. Scaryyyyyy! I'm taking Spanish and love speaking it. I'm so thankful that God is so intricate and deliberate about where He places me and the way He brings things into my life! There's a Brazilian Bible study at my house on Thursday nights and I cannot wait to speak with some of them even though I'm sure they speak mostly Portuguese!

So I'm looking for a job, surprise surprise! What else is new in Pensacola right? I'm excited about this new season in my life, because thats EXACTLY what it is!!!

God has been speaking alot to me about training lately and discipline. I need to prepare for the time of my life that is coming up very soon!

1 Timothy 4:7-9

⁷Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. ⁸For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

Hebrews 12:10-12

¹⁰Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. ¹¹No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

¹²Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.

Let me tell you that waking up this morning was PAINFUL!!!

I want to walk in holiness and I would love to hold onto the peace that I left South America with!!! I'm so thankful for all that I have and have been blessed with.

Until next time...